The Myth of the “Good” Feminist

Rejecting perfectionism and embracing real, messy feminism

There is a myth we need to destroy.

It’s the myth of the “good” feminist — the idea that to be truly feminist, to be worthy of the label, you must adhere to a rigid set of standards, perform activism at all times, and never falter in your beliefs or actions. If you don’t check off all the boxes of what it means to be a “perfect” feminist, you’re somehow failing.

This narrative is flawed, and it’s high time we called it out.

Let’s be real: society has perfected the art of impossible expectations. Whether it’s how we look, how we act, or how we fight for justice, there’s a version of perfection always hanging over us, one that demands constant performance. And it’s not just about being a “good feminist” anymore — it’s about being a “good woman,” a “good person,” and a “good activist.” The expectation is that we must have it all together, all the time, or else we’re not worthy.

But here’s the thing: perfectionism is a tool of oppression. It’s designed to keep us small, to make us think we’re not good enough, and to burn us out before we can even start making change. Feminism — true feminism — has never been about flawless execution; it’s about liberation. Liberation means giving ourselves permission to be flawed, messy, and real. It’s about rejecting the oppressive systems that demand perfection in the first place.

Here’s why you don’t need to be perfect:

Perfectionism is a Trap

The idea that you need to embody the perfect feminist to be worthy of the label is a straight-up lie. Perfectionism keeps us stuck in a cycle of guilt and self-criticism, and it’s exhausting. You don’t need to have all the answers, be in every protest, or agree with every feminist theory to be a force for good. Feminism isn’t a checklist. It’s a commitment to progress, to action, and to creating a world that values the experiences of all people — not just those who can perform flawlessly.

We All Make Mistakes — That’s How We Learn

Feminism isn’t about never making a misstep — it’s about acknowledging those missteps, learning from them, and doing better. Whether it’s realizing you’ve perpetuated harm or grappling with your own biases, those moments of imperfection are opportunities for growth, not signs of failure. You don’t have to be perfect to be an agent of change. In fact, it’s your willingness to be imperfect that makes you real — and that’s exactly what this movement needs.

You Deserve Compassion — Especially From Yourself

If you’re too busy beating yourself up for not being the “ideal” feminist, you won’t have the energy to fight for what matters. We need to be kind to ourselves, especially when the world around us is full of judgment and shame. Self-compassion isn’t just a luxury; it’s a revolutionary act. The more we give ourselves permission to be imperfect, the more we can show up for each other and the causes that matter. It’s time to stop shaming ourselves and start lifting ourselves up.

Perfectionism is the Enemy of Feminism

Think about it — perfectionism is rooted in the same patriarchal systems that tell us our bodies, our actions, and our identities must meet certain standards. It’s the same logic that oppresses women, people of color, LGBTQIA+ individuals, and other marginalized communities. To fight back, we must resist the idea that perfection is possible — or even desirable. Feminism thrives on messy, complex, real-life experiences, not sanitized, perfect images.

You Are Enough

Being a feminist isn’t about fitting into a mold. It’s about standing up for justice, loving yourself and others, and fighting for a world where we don’t have to prove our worth to anyone. You don’t need to be perfect to deserve equality, to fight for trans rights, or to challenge the patriarchy. In fact, the more we embrace our imperfections, the more powerful our fight becomes.

Perfection is not the goal — liberation is.

So, let’s stop chasing a myth. Let’s stop pretending that being the “perfect feminist” is the standard we have to meet. Let’s embrace the messiness of being human, knowing that in our imperfections, we find our strength.

The world needs feminists who are unapologetically real, not perfectly polished.

And that’s exactly what you are.